From an end to a new beginning

Sometimes you come across really great life changing books. Some of mine have been “The Alchemist – by Paulo Coelho” , “The Wait – by DeVon Franklin” and “Battlefield of the Mind – By Joyce Meyer.” I’ve read some books that have helped me grow but these three that I mentioned definitely made an impact on my life.

Adding to that list is a recent book I’ve been reading called “Option B Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy – by Sheryl  Sandberg and Adam Grant”

I read a great article a while back that inspired me to purchase the book. The article was titled “How I got through the worst days of my life (so far) by Shane Snow.

Here’s the article: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-i-got-through-worst-days-my-life-so-far-shane-snow

And I wrote a blog post about that article and how it inspired me here: https://healingbrokenheartsproject.com/2017/05/16/setbacks-of-life/

This is definitely a book I’d love to read a few times through. At the moment I am finishing up Chapter 5 (halfway through the book) and I came across a great quote:

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” – Roman philosopher Seneca

How true is that. I mean , I guess growing up I always had a really hard time with things ending. Friendships, jobs, relationships, passions, you name it. It always felt so absolute and tragic. After reading this chapter, I learned that it’s all about perspective and the end of something isn’t necessarily bad because it just means it’s the beginning of something else. We can choose to let our experiences sink us to the bottom of the lake or we can let our experiences become stepping stones to help us get to the other side.

Bear with me through this tough hump here but in this chapter the writer talks about post-traumatic growth, which in a nutshell is how people who are faced with a traumatic event can bounce forward. Psychologist found that some people respond to trauma by developing PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) and face debilitating depression and anxiety, others would respond by being resilient and would bounce back to their state before trauma and even others would bounce forward.

Now what does bounce forward mean? Well the writer goes to explain that post-traumatic growth are people who grow from tragedy.

This seems to happen in 5 different ways per Joe Kaspers findings:

-Finding personal strength

-Gaining Appreciation

-Forming Deeper relationships

-Discovering More meaning in life

-Seeing new possibilities

Now I know a lot of you may think how in the world can I find any good from my loved one dying, being murdered, raped, insert traumatic experience here, and I would just ask that you please read Chapter 5 of Option B because it really goes into a beautiful explanation of each one and how if we’re ready, we can get through our trauma to see the other side.

Hence “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” 

;  (The Semicolon project has that same vibe)

It doesn’t have to end at the trauma or tragedy in your life. Instead of the book ending, that “end” can be a catalyst to a new beginning.

Let’s not end the book but start a new chapter instead… 

 

 

 

Setbacks of life 

I read a great article a month or so ago that really inspired me. It’s titled “How I got through the worst days of my life (so far) by Shane Snow.

Here’s the article: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-i-got-through-worst-days-my-life-so-far-shane-snow

As the title already explains, this individual writes about how he got through the worst days of his life. After reading this article I can say that I learned a few things, was reminded of others, and was reassured that regardless of the struggle, we can all manage to get through it.

As I’m sure you all know, we all have rough periods in life due to differing circumstances. Sometimes I find it encouraging to hear about someone else’s struggles and how they managed to get through it. Not because I wish bad upon anyone but because it becomes a source of inspiration and drive for me to get through my own personal struggles. I’m reminded that if they can get through it I can get through it too.

What I found fascinating is that the writer is an owner of a successful business and due to personal circumstances ends up homeless and unable to afford getting his own place. What fascinated me about this bit of information was that I honestly would have never guessed that a business owner with a running business could end up homeless. It’s just not something that would come to mind.  It’s so common for our perception of others to be skewed. The reality is that we all struggle just as much as any other person does. Rough patches in life happen to everyone regardless of how much they make or don’t make, no matter how well off we perceive them to be, regardless of skin color, gender, age, race, education, sexual orientation, etc. Struggle doesn’t pick and choose.

Sometimes I am so focused on what I am going through that I forget that everyone I know has something that they are going through.

As I continued to read, I came across a valuable lesson that I have slowly learned in life which is not to be afraid to seek help and let those close to us know what’s going on. You’d be surprised how helpful they can be. Man have I learned this the hard way. Sweeping things under the rug just makes us more vulnerable for continued hurt and struggle.

This next one I’m about to mention is one I am still learning and it is that

Struggle is all about perspective.

We can choose to let life’s battles keep us down or we can choose to get up and keep moving forward. It’s all a choice regardless of our circumstances. We can sit around and mope all day or we can make the decision to do something about it. I know it’s hard to do something about it. I know it’s difficult to find the energy and motivation to keep taking those steps forward when all you keep doing is getting knocked down. One thing to remember is that time continues to move forward regardless of what we do. I have always said that I rather keep taking those steps forward and failing then sitting back , giving up to my crappy in the moment circumstance and 3 days, 1 month, 5 years later being exactly where I was that first day.

We all have setbacks. We just all respond to them very differently.

 It’s not that someone else has had it worse that helps; it’s that someone else has gotten through it.  – Shane Snow

I leave you with two wonderful points that Shane Snow mentions in his article. I think these three points are great reminders to write down and hang up on your wall so you can read them everyday!

“It’s going to hurt. And that’s okay.”

Allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling right now,” she told me. “Let the hurt move through you. Then you can move on.”

There is no sense in avoiding pain because it only prolongs it. The final is…

“By coming together and supporting one another, we can bounce forward and find joy again.

**A side note: I went ahead and purchased the book “Option B Facing Adversity, building resilience, and finding joy” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant because I was really interested in reading the book for myself after reading the article I mentioned above. I plan on posting blogs inspired by what I read and after reading the end of chapter one I can’t help but end this entry with the amazing bit of knowledge the writers friend shares with her.

Sometimes in life we have our eyes set on Option A and for whatever reason it just doesn’t work out. We fixate on wanting Option A even if we can’t have it and Sheryl Sandberg goes on to say that her friend reminded her that “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B.”