Passing it on

I came across this photo on my Facebook feed and it brought back memories…

suicide quote

I remember one of the last times I had attempted to commit suicide I thought to myself that the pain would finally be over.  ((About 10 or so years ago )) I remember thinking that this time would be it. I was tired of drowning. I was tired of feeling like it wasn’t going to get any better but when the deed had been done I remember thinking wtf am I doing. I wanted to take back what I had just done but it was too late.

I remember this like it was yesterday, my mom approaching me her eyes so big and full of fear. She didn’t know what to say. She was in complete shock,  scared and shaking. Now my mom had always been and continues to be my superhero. She is the strongest woman I know alive, has been through SO much and continues to persevere through so much and on that night when I saw her full of all those emotions, full of pain, I remember thinking that if I ever made it through the night and didn’t die, that I would never want to cause my mom that much pain ever again. I never wanted to see her that way EVER.

It had never clicked in my head before but that night I finally understood what this quote says, that those who take their lives away don’t end their pain but pass it on to those they love. I thank God every day that I had that revelation that night. That I realized that I never wanted to hurt the person who meant the world to me that way ever again. Even if life sucked. Even if I felt like I was drowning. I made a decision to fight and get through it with God by my side and over 10 years later I can say that I did thanks to Him. I have hit rock bottom in worse ways than that period in my life but not once did I think about killing myself and that to me is something worth celebrating.

So it is not impossible! You can get through it National Suicide Prevention Line 1-800-273-8255. They are there because they want to make a difference and help as many people as possible.

God was there for me and He is there for you too! 

Don’t give up! 

Taking care of YOU

I came across this picture on my instagram and think it to be so true and something we all need to live by! A lot of the time we focus on what everyone else needs to fix. We become professional advice givers and want to help change the world and the people in it BUT (drumrolllllllll) we don’t do any of that for ourselves!

We have to learn to take care of ourselves first.

We can’t truly love or help someone properly unless we learn to love and help ourselves first.  Work on you! Learn to love who you are mistakes and all. Learn to become confident in yourself, overcome those insecurities, work on being healthy, and becoming the best version of you. Learn to manage your time better, to save money, learn to get through your weaknesses whether it’s anger, impatience, or procrastination. Once that happens (and it will) then it makes helping others so much easier.

You have to fill your glass with water first before you can pour out to others

AND

every time your glass ends up empty, it just means it’s time to fill it again.

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From Thoughts to Destiny

As we go through our struggles , there comes a moment (at least for me) where I feet stuck. As if I was on a merry go round of ups and downs with the same crappy things happening over and over again. I came across this quote that really changed my perspective on things. I have included different variations of the same concept. The end result of our lives start with our thoughts!

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

-FRANK OUTLAW
Late President of the Bi-Lo Stores

The only way to change repeating circumstances in our lives is by doing something different, and that all begins with our thoughts. If we believe that we cannot do something, than guess what? We will not be able to do it. But if we believe that we can, and we wake up every morning believing that things can change and will change, than that’s when change will begin to take place.

So for this week, be conscious of your thoughts. Be mindful of what you are telling yourself over and over again and if you realize that your thoughts are full of negativity, switch it up. Don’t dwell on that negativity because as the quote goes, your thoughts trickle down and become your character. And if that is not who you want to be than start at the core with your thoughts. Start thinking of positive things that are going to happen no matter how unrealistic it may seem and I can promise you that things will begin to change. Maybe not right away or overnight, but with time they will. Once your thoughts change, everything else will follow.

The thought manifests as the word,

The word manifests as the deed,
The deed develops into habit,
And the habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its way with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings.

-Anonymous

*

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.

-Anonymous

*

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

-FRANK OUTLAW
Late President of the Bi-Lo Stores

And if anyone finds the writer of these quotes, please let me know so I can give them credit.

Truth behind depression

Such a powerful video!

This video really hit home for me. Right now I’m still a bit speechless for a lot of reasons. I sat here trying to think of what to write and say but words just aren’t coming to mind. Instead I decided to post some responses to the video that I came across.

(All these responses are on the videos page on Facebook)

“”Ricky” is the guy next to you as you order your coffee, he’s the guy you may even have rolled your eyes at because he seems off or ordinary. He could even be that guy trying to fit in at work or at the gym. Point is, he could be anyone on any given day that you and/or I cross paths with.”

– Leila Alverado 

*

“You still aren’t seeing the whole picture… They’re both depressed. With the main character in every splice, it is obvious he is depressed. However, with Ricky it was not obvious, until it was too late. Some cases of depression are easy to detect, while other cases are not so easy. Which is the exact point that Buzzfeed is making through this video.”

 -Dalton Locke

*

“This tripped me. Woah, what a valuable video. The greatest of attitudes doesn’t mean total happiness all the time. We treat people all kinds of negative ways and we have no clue what they’re dealing with. We don’t care until they’re gone. That’s the scary part.”

-Trenton Scipio

*

This really hit home with me, I suffer from depression and have since I was a teen. All my friends and family knew me as the “happy” person, even now I’m the “good morning” and “good night” person at work and at home. No one knew until very recent that I not only struggle with depression, but a history of self harm as well. I cried and had to watch this a few times, I know from experience that people who really suffer put on that happy face because we don’t want to bring everyone else down with us, or because we don’t think anyone will understand or even care. It’s hard to reach people like us because we don’t want anyone to know we’re suffering, for whatever reason, we don’t want that attention

-Jasmine Thompson

*

“The sad part is that the signs -are- there, they’re just not the ones we’re looking for. Sometimes depression looks like the guy in the video, but sometimes it looks like Ricky and I’ll tell you why. The way people cope is different, as many already know. Ricky was trying to repress his depression and loneliness by brightening other people’s days so that they don’t have to feel the way he does. Greeting others was also his way of reaching out, of trying to get “attention” (not in a negative connotation), in hopes someone would smile back or say “hey, how was your weekend? Wanna meet up later this week?” But he didn’t receive it.”

– Danny Giraud

All About Perspective

“Here’s the important lesson: the labels we give people do not actually determine who they are, only how we perceive them.”

Click here to watch the video if the imbedded video above is not working.

This video is a perfect example of what the topic of this post will be about today.

The video is about an experiment titled “Decoy” where 6 photographers are asked to photograph the same man in a manner that expresses his background story.  What they don’t know is that they each have been told a different background story. The results of the photos were drastic. Each photographer had taken a photo of a man they believed they had known based off of what they had been told. The same man had been perceived in 6 different ways.

The point of the experiment was to teach photographers about the importance of perspective, which leads me to this post.

Perspective is everything. As humans we tend to assume we know everything. Our assumptions place us in a box that keep us tied down and limited. It blinds us from everything that is outside of the box. We tend to get tunnel vision and are only able to obsessively focus on what’s right in front of us failing to see the bigger picture.

We do the same thing when it comes to our circumstances. Growing up we are told who we are, who we are to become, what we lack, what we aren’t and all of these statements place us in a box.

We are constantly categorized.

We then begin to believe what is said and most likely become a reflection of those very statements that may not even be true. Just like the photographers who captured what they believed to be the true identity of the man. The man became categorized and in turn the photos taken evoked false truths based off of false knowledge.

People may think you are crazy, ugly, poor, depressed, unstable, emotional, needy, etc. but it doesn’t matter what everyone else has to say. Don’t let their perceptions of you become you. Be who God made you to be. (And if you don’t believe in God that’s okay. The point is to be the best version of yourself) Don’t let others perspective of you become your perspective or your truth. All these titles and categories force us into a box. Just because you are emotional, needy, a millionaire, homeless, depressed, etc doesn’t mean that those things make you YOU. They may be a part of your life right now but they don’t define you.

All I ask is that you take a minute to reflect on your perspective. Are you perceiving whats true, or are you perceiving false “truths”? 

Just remember, sometimes our own thoughts can hinder and taint our perspectives and in those cases we are the ones that are placing ourselves in a box. Whether it’s us or someone else, remember that we are the only ones that control our outlooks.

We can choose to listen to everyone else (including our inner negative thoughts) or we can choose not to.

We can choose false truths or real truths.

Don’t let categories define who you are.

Undoing what has already been done

Suicide has been and continues to be a very sad tragedy that takes place in the world. September is the National Suicide Prevention Awareness month and with that said I came across this beautiful poem of the reality of committing suicide in hopes that it makes readers realize that what has been done cannot be undone.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-(800) 273- 8255

If you need help, seek help! 

In closing, I am grateful that every attempt I made at killing myself was an unsuccessful one because I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed seeing my brother grow up to become the man he is today, to see my mom achieve and accomplish so many set goals, to see my best friends get married. I would have missed out on traveling the world and meeting wonderful people, on bettering myself and realizing I am worth it and loved.

YOU are worth it and loved! ❤

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up. I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels. The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed. The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication. The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.
-By Meggie Royer