“Wow! I did it. I made it to 30 years old!! I understand in most standards that turning another year older isn’t exactly an accomplishment, however to me, this is the biggest accomplishment of my life.
There was a time I didn’t know if I would live to see tomorrow. I never believed I would even turn 18. I always felt inside of me that I wasn’t meant to live a long life. As a teenager I played into this feeling. I suffered from insomnia and manic depression while being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I coped through drugs and self harm. I spent years fighting suicidal ideation wondering if this is how torturous living a long life would be. I struggled hard in my own confusing world and faught within myself to try to understand the point of life. I lived on the edge of absolutely everything I could. I made rash decisions, hung out with the wrong crowd, consumed harmful drugs in search of a feeling that made me feel alive. I attempted and failed suicide and I survived accidental overdoses. I never graduated high school. I never went to college. I suffered through months of debilitating depression that reeked havoc on my personal life, destroyed friendships and crippled my relationship with my family.
I share all of this because today at 30, it is all different.
I have peeled myself off the floor, distracted myself from the pain, and built myself the most incredible life.
My parents are my best friends, and I can honestly say I am the happiest person I know. I have a business that I absolutely love and wake up each day eager to work and see my next accomplishments.
I built a life I dreamt of having and never knew was possible.
I built a life that works with my gypsy soul, and I can feed my need for adventure and discovery. I have learned who I am, what I need and I embrace my flaws while actively learning how to grow and become a better person every day.
I am happy! I am clean. I am sober. I am finally me!
I have to say I am so fortunate to have the most incredible woman in my life. My Grandmother who never doubted my future success, and never once looked down on me for the mistakes I made. Love you Sandra Levine.
Thank you for always believing in me.
I share this because I know how difficult life is. I know how lonely life is!! Life is Hard and unfair and I am here for you. I ALWAYS will have time for you. I WANT to listen to you. I am here if you want advice, I am here just for an ear. I don’t care how well I know you. I know you enough to know that you never should have to feel like you’re alone. I know you well enough to know you WILL get past this. I know you well enough to know you are capable of building a life for yourself the way I have for myself. It is Never too late!! I am here for you! Please call me…any time! (Seriously, you can even call on messanger. Anyone who needs a friend.)
As always I hope my birthday is just as happy for you as it is for me. I hope you buy yourself something special today and think of me when you do! I hope you hug yourself and recognize how wonderful you are. Happy huge 30th birthday to me. I hope everyone has an absolutely amazing day!!! And thank you for the birthday wishes and reading through this ridiculously long rant.
Bravo if you made it this far!”