I had a really great but scary experience this past Sunday. One full of pursuing what I felt God was asking me to do; go up to LA and meet someone specific. Why? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. But I felt in my heart it was meant to happen and so I did it. Things aligned in such a way throughout the journey that I knew God was every step of the way.
But the journey was full of trip ups, worry, doubt, and confusion. And at every moment God reassured me that He would follow through on His end because I followed through on mine. There was even a moment where I had to patiently and EXPECTANTLY wait. I remember thinking, well He put in my heart for this to happen so let me start acting like it’s about to. So I scooted over to a table with two seats so there’d be room for the person I was about to meet. ((As I was anxiously awaiting their arrival and wondering if they would even come) My mom sent me this passage from a book at the exact time I needed it Luke 1:45 NASB
“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.”
Another moment of reassurance!
Anyways, first and foremost I’m nervous as ever. So nervous that throughout our conversation I had no clue what to say. I had envisioned this grand conversation and connection that would take place and as the time together progressed , it just didn’t. I was awkwardly quiet and attentively listening. Feeling a bit like I couldn’t really be myself. Feeling like my guard was up throughout our conversation.
A big part of me was nervous and in amazement that this moment was actually taking place. I was feeling very insecure which made me realize that I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable. I wasn’t ready to pour out my heart and share my dreams , wishes, and passion to a complete stranger. It’s funny how those conversations go and how we all want to be heard and there I was feeling like I was there more for that person then they were meant to be there for me. I was meant to be there to listen.
I learned another thing that day. I learned that we all face different struggles. Struggles of feeling inadequate, struggles of feeling like we’re not doing enough , inner struggles with not knowing what to do. And if you’re not careful, those feelings can root themselves deep in your heart and cause some lows in our life. More lows than we’d like.
I can’t begin to say why God called me to that moment but I do know that I realized that what society paints of us is typically not a true reflection of our identity. No matter what God has called us to do, we all face struggles and challenges and no matter how much good we’re doing with our lives, doesn’t make us invincible to the inner struggles and inner chaos of our hearts and minds.
As I sat there in conversation surrounded by two seemingly great people, I looked in their eyes as they expressed their hearts desire to figure out how to be a part of two vastly different worlds all while getting criticism on both ends (secular vs religious) it made me realize that we all have our pain and our struggle. It also made me realize that I want people to feel like what they do is enough. That they are enough. That it’s okay to be right where we are. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others, to the worlds expectations of what we should be doing. We have to allow ourselves to say no so we don’t become drained by what everyone else wants us to do. We have to realize and remember that God LOVES us right where we are and what we do or don’t do doesn’t change that.
Gods love will forever be constant. ❤️