**It’s been two months since I’ve posted anything. I do have a lot of things I’ve written but never posted so I’ll be catching up within the next couple of weeks!**
One of my best friends lost their loved one and it broke my heart. Broke my heart to see them and their family hurting, broke my heart that there was nothing anyone could do to change what had happened, and no matter what I said or did I knew that it wouldn’t stop the hurt but possibly only temporarily ease it for even just a second and that is if I said the right thing. The problem; I didn’t know what to say.
Another best friend was hurting because the relationship with their partner fell apart. Once again there was nothing I could say that would change that or that could take any of the pain away.
A loved one attempted to commit suicide this past Spring and there was nothing anyone could have done to have stopped or prevented it. I tried my best to be supportive, understanding, and be there whenever they needed it yet it still happened.
Chester Bennington, the lead singer of one of my favorite bands growing up (Linkin Park) committed suicide. Someone who was “well off”, had a family, 6 kids, yet still he took his life.
It goes to show that regardless of what we have, don’t have, regardless of what we go through, we all hurt and feel hopeless the same. Regardless of circumstance and money, we can all be in a dark place and when that dark place takes hold, sometimes it’s hard to find the right thing to say or even the right thing to do.
It got me to thinking that there are SO many things that are outside of our control and one of those difficult things to face is when we see those we love hurting. It’s one thing when we’re hurting inside but something completely different when those we love are hurting inside. We beat ourselves up for not doing enough of one thing or another, for not calling more often and checking in, we play in our heads everything we should and could have done differently, and we quickly begin to spiral into our own version of darkness.
This is why it’s so important to learn to love and forgive yourself for your imperfections. These feelings of helplessness I believe are linked to fear, fear that we are incapable, fear of not doing enough, not doing it right, fear of failing, fear of not knowing what to say or do, fear of many many things.
One thing I learned from all of these different circumstances that took place in the lives of my loved ones was that there may never really be the “right thing” to say or the “right thing” to do. All you can really do is try your best and cut yourself some slack. We will always feel like there is more we can do or say, that’s just life but it’s a part of life that we need to make sure we don’t beat ourselves up over.