This has been a delicate topic on my heart.
I watched 13 Reasons Why. A Netflix TV series on 13 reasons why one of the characters of the show committed suicide. Before I saw this show I had a loved one who had attempted to commit suicide. It brought me back to over 10 years ago when I had attempted. Fast forward to this week when two people who had been convicted of murder were found dead, both believed to be a suicide.
Regardless of the reason, thoughts plans and attempts to commit suicide is a really dark place to be in. I’d imagine the two individuals who had been charged with murder and committed suicide were possibly running away from something. Running away from the pain they caused others, running away from themselves, potentially regretting what they did, only God knows.
When my loved one told me the reason they had attempted was along the lines of feeling unworthy and being sick of it all my heart just about broke because I had lived through this and now someone I loved was going through it and there was nothing I could do.
When I had attempted, it was because I felt stuck. Like I wasn’t going anywhere. I was sick of everything and I didn’t see it getting any better. I thought the world was better off if I wasn’t in it and honestly I was just exhausted and wanted to throw in the towel.
Nothing seemed to be going anywhere and I kept getting sucked in and slammed against the never ending waves of life. During this part of my life, I felt constantly underwater unable to get some air.
Suicide is a parasitic thought process which I believe is linked to the fear of the future. Fear of not amounting to anything. Of there being nothing good ahead.
For years I’ve learned that our thought process has so much control over the outcome of our life and all these fears are complete trash because most of our fears don’t even come true. Statistically 85% of what we fear NEVER even comes true. 85%! From the 15% of things that do happen, 79% of people found out they could either deal with it, or it wasn’t even as bad as they thought in the first place. Meaning that 97% of the things we worry and fear about are “not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions.” -Huffington Post Article.
Whether we commit a big mistake in life, feel hopeless, don’t know what the heck to do, hit rock bottom, are lost, depressed, ashamed, embarrassed, and the list goes on, it is never the end because it is never too late to start again, to start fresh, reset, and get back on track.
Suicide isn’t a solution because ending ones life just passes on our pain to our loved ones. Dark thoughts have a way of convincing us that there isn’t anything amazing worth living for and let me tell you that there is!
Things started to change for me when I started to change my perception of life. I decided to view things positively no matter how negative they felt or seemed. I made a decision to stop letting things get me down, that I was in control of my feelings regardless of what others said or did. I made a decision to fight, read and study on positivity. I learned that I need to work out often to not feel down, I need a lot of sunlight, and I need to have fun activities throughout the week. I completely changed my lifestyle to help me on my path to becoming a better version of myself which included enjoying life and getting to a point that if I was all alone, I’d be okay.
Everyones journey is different than mine but my faith and relationship with God is what led me to the abundant life I have now. Not so much following “rules” because I don’t believe rules are what create a relationship with God but instead I see my faith as a lifestyle. A lifestyle that consists of loving others, loving myself, helping others, being compassionate, and realizing that even if God didn’t exist I rather live my life this way because I am that much happier and hopeful. I decided to live my life full of love and understanding. I learned to confront, forgive and heal from the pain of my past and I made the decision to take that bold step forward to change my life for the better.
Suicide shouldn’t be an option for anyone because you are all loved by someone. We all have a purpose in life even if we don’t understand it or have yet to find it. But in order to get there we have to take that first step. Whatever that is for you, take that step and have faith.
Find that small thing that brings some form of joy into your life and hold onto it like your life depends on it.
That small form of joy will blossom and as time goes by, you’ll find there are other things that bring joy. Once those things come up, hold onto those and they’ll continue to grow. Next thing you know, you’ll be surrounded by so many things that bring happiness into your life. And the things that bring nothing but pain, sadness, and hurt, let those things go because those are the anchors in life that will wrap it’s talons around us and try to drag us to the bottom of the sea.