There is this account I follow on instagram BCSERNA which is full of so much inspiration. And one of the things this individual posted about was love.
One thing he said that stood out to me was
you should “worry about finding your lover when you find yourself.”
For a good part of my life I spent time “finding” what I hoped would be a man that I would have a future with and started to realize that I was looking for purpose in a relationship instead of finding purpose within myself.
What was interesting to me was realizing that I’ve never felt so alone then where I am now in life but I have also never felt so alive. As time has gone by, I’ve become fueled with the desire to discover my passion, to discover more of myself, to discover who I am, and to learn to love each and every part of me. I’ve begun working on realizing my worth, learning that one person can make a difference, and learning to be a light in a dark place.
But I can say that I only got to that point because of the loneliness and emptiness I felt that never seemed to get filled regardless of what I did.
I learned that every time I was in a relationship, all of my dreams and desires were put on the back burner and a bit of me would become lost. I would end up dedicating so much time and love to others. Doing everything I possibly could yet feel like something was still missing because they weren’t providing me with what I needed and wanted in life.
In a sense I was settling.
As time went by, I began to realize that if we spend time finding and loving ourselves and not rushing the relationship, getting married, having kids portion of life, we will eventually surround ourselves by others with the same desires and drive. Possibly finding that individual that compliments us and has found themselves as well. ((At least that’s what I’m hoping for haha))
When you’re 28 years old and everyone around you is in 4 year relationships, getting engaged, and married, it’s easy to feel left out and alone.
But it’s all about perspective! It’s so important to focus on the positive not the negative. I can choose to sulk about it or make the most of it and I rather make the most of it.
In closing, something that really hit home for me was what he said at the end of his post “you won’t find purpose or passion once you find your lover”
I had an aha moment when I read this. A moment of revelation and clarity. This whole time I kept trying to convince myself that once I found the one for me, everything would fall into place. Everything would make sense and I’d figure out what I wanted to do in life . Boy I had never been more wrong in my life and am so thankful that my manner of thinking has changed.
I hope you find what burns that fire inside your hearts as I search for what burns the fire inside mine.