Since last week I have been having a rough week for many reasons and when I have rough weeks I tend to play the same tune. I get really down, sleep in until the very last minute before I have to get ready for work, go to work sad, get back from work and plop on the couch to watch a bunch of movies before bed or I cry and go to bed early.
It’s something I have struggled with.
Every single day I have to make sure I mentally prepare myself for battle. A battle to change my negative thinking to positive thinking, to try and not let myself be sad for too long, or sleep in too long, to try and keep myself occupied and stay motivated. And to be honest, the battle can sometimes be exhausting.
Yesterday I cried out to God that I was just too tired. I didn’t want to keep going through everything I was going through. I had had enough, I was tired of crying, tired of feeling lost, tired of things seeming to not get better. Just tired of everything.
And then it kind of dawned on me that if I keep doing what I am doing, nothing is ever going to get better. If I keep reacting to rough weeks the same way, it is always going to have the same outcome. I spent so much time praying to God but not enough time doing my part. I was like the guy in the bible who had been by the healing lake of water for 38 years but had never been healed.
In the Gospel of John: “One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.”
It’s like God was putting in my heart that I needed to stop sulking and staying sad. I needed to stop focusing on my troubles, trust in Him, hand over my troubles to Him, and continue pursuing what I feel He has called me to do. I needed to stop making excuses and telling myself that I didn’t feel like doing anything because I was just too down. I needed to stop focusing on ME!
Of course when I spoke to my mom earlier today and asked her for advice, she said to me. “I know things are really hard but you have to try and find a way to stop focusing on all the negative in your life, try and remember that so many people have a lot going on in their lives so you can’t take it personal, stay busy, and all things will work out.” My mom is truly amazing ❤
I'm not where I need to be but Thank God I'm not where I used to be!
I think I'm seeing a trend here lol I need to stop focusing on ME, stop making excuses, and keep fighting to do things differently.
I know I am nowhere near perfect, and this will still continue to be something difficult for me, but I rather keep fighting and trying to do something different then keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same result.